


A Fool Holding On (When I've Already Lost Him)

by LisaB1991



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: But Mike is having none of it, Hurt, M/M, So he leaves, There's so much hurt in this one, Will have a happy ending, and Harvey tries to explain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 18:06:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2357285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaB1991/pseuds/LisaB1991
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike comes to a rather unpleasant surprise when he opens to door to see Scottie standing in front of him. Secrets will be revealed, and Mike feels betrayed by Harvey. </p>
<p>Will Harvey succeed in convincing Mike that there's more to the story? Will Mike be able to forgive Harvey? And will Harvey win Mike's heart once and for all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

As Mike stepped out of the bathroom, his hair still damp, small droplets of water making their way down across his back and chest, he wrapped a towel around his narrow hips. He knew it wouldn't be long until Harvey would come home from work with some takeout, so he had to hurry if he wanted to be done in time to welcome his boyfriend home. 

Boyfriend. The word sounded weird, unnatural. Even more so because it was a word neither of them ever used while referring to one another, because to the outside world, they were just Harvey and Mike, best closer of NYC and his pupil. Nothing more, and nothing less. No one even knew Harvey and Mike were bisexual. Mike had opted to come out a few weeks ago, since Mike had more or less moved in with Harvey three months prior, but Harvey was having none of that. He was in the middle of a very important, very large merger, which demanded his full attention. He couldn't possibly risk letting his determination waver because of some office gossip. So Mike gave up persuading him, knowing in his heart that another moment, the right time, and the right place, would eventually take place. And basically, that helped him keep going. It wasn't that Harvey was heartless, or taking Mike and his feelings for granted. He knew his priorities, and as long as at least in private, Mike was his one and only priority, he was satisfied with his place in Harvey's life and in his heart. 

As he stumbled through the bedroom while quickly putting on his paints, he heard a faint knock on the door. Mike frowned, grabbed Harvey's old worn out Harvard hoodie, pulled it over his head and swiftly made his way towards the front door. It wasn't like Harvey to forget his keys, he thought. He didn't know why his first instinct told him it was Harvey standing on the other side of the door, but his brisk stride abruptly slowed down when he heard a voice coming from the hallway. 

"Harvey? Harvey, are you there?" 

That was not Harvey, obviously. He came to a halt in front of the door, and rested his palm against its cold polished surface. He wasn't sure if he was ready for a confrontation betweem himself and Dana Scott. Especially not while Harvey wasn't there. But whatever it was, there must be a reason for her to end up on Harvey's doorstep. Because for all he knew, she still lived and worked in London. He didn't recall Harvey telling him otherwise. Not that they talked about any of their ex-lovers. Every such trip down memory lane was out of the question, they had agreed. Simple as that. This pledge alone should have kept him from opening the front door in the first place. But Mike's curiosity eventually took the upperhand. And so, he found himself standing face to face, with not only Ms. Dana Scott, but also with a small toddler she held in her arms. The little girl, with her brown eyes and dark blonde curls, her lips plump and with a rosy hue to them, was endearing to say the least. Her hands were fisting the neckline of Dana's expensive Gucci plump dress, her eyes looking up at him curiously, as she tilted her head towards the warmth and comfort of the soft spot between Scottie's neck and shoulder. 

The bewilderment in Scottie's eyes was clear, as she was obviously surprised to see Mike standing on the other side of the doorstep, instead of Harvey. "Mike, isn't it?" Mike knew he had to give her some credit for the way she quickly masked her disappointment for not seeing Harvey. Mike nodded, but remained standing in the doorway. Because of the promise Harvey and he had made, he wasn't entirely sure on what terms the ex-lovers had parted ways, so it seemed best to not invite her in right away. Even more so because he wasn't technically supposed to be here, at this hour, all by himself, his hair damp and wearing Harvey's old hoodie. He could imagine pretty well what this looked like. But instead of feeling embarrassed about it, he held Scottie's gaze defiantly in his own, determined to not be the first to break eyecontact. 

"Yes, Scottie. How can I help you?" 

"I wanted to see Harvey, is he-" 

"Unfortunately, he's not in at the moment," he couldn't help sounding curt, something which didn't go unnoticed with the little girl in Scottie's arms, as she immediately reacted by clammering deeper into Scottie's embrace, her beautiful little face buried in Scottie's black mane. 

"When will he be back?" 

"I expect him to come home anytime soon." Luckily, he managed to sound a little bit more civilized now. He thought to himself that he should probably give the woman the benefit of the 

doubt, especially because she had this charming little girl in her arms.. Her daughter, perhaps? Had Scottie decided to visit an old friend, to introduce Harvey to her daughter? He had heard faint rumors of Scottie having a fiance, but he had believed that the engagement had been broken off before she came to work with them in New York. The possibility that she had returned to London after all to rekindle her relationship with her ex would have been only logical, but she wore no wedding ring? What was going on? Who was the little girl in Scottie's arms, and why was she standing on Harvey's doorstep at 8 pm? 

The sound of Scottie clearing her throat snapped him out of his reverie. He must have thought out loud, because the next thing he knew, Scottie looked up at him, pleadingly. "Look, she's getting rather heavy. Why don't you invite me in, so we can wait for Harvey inside? I promise I'll tell you what you need to know." 

Tempted by her suggestion, Mike stepped out of the way to allow Scottie to step inside, immediately closing the door behind them so he could follow them into the livingroom. Letting her in didn't automatically mean that he trusted her. Something told him something was very off, and he had the sudden instinct to flee. Something was a about to happen, and his gut feeling told him that he wasn't going to like it, whatever it was. But besides fleeing, there were 168 other things he could do. And he would. He promised himself he would hear her out, listen to what she had to say, be open-minded about any form of explanation she would come up with. He'd take it, no matter what, whatever it was. Little did he know he wasn't prepared for what was to come. 

The awkward silence stretched on as they sat on the couch, side by side, the little girl sitting between them, looking around curiously. Mike looked down at her, once again enthralled by the little girl's loveliness. When she sighed and moved closer to him, resting her small head in the crook of his elbow, her little feet tucked underneath her, Mike stiffened and held his breath. He wasn't prepared for this sudden feeling of protectiveness surging through his body, his instinct to pull her closer to him and keep her there. There was something about this girl, a strange kind of familiarity, and yet at the same time, she was a stranger to him. What was this child doing here?

"This is Emma," Scottie managed to choke out, as she reached out and stroked her dark blonde curls. "She's my daughter." Mike nodded, trying in vain to swallow the lump in his throat. As he continued to look at the child, he noticed once again that Scottie wasn't wearing a wedding ring. 

"Does your husband know you're here?" 

"I never married, Mike." 

Mike forced himself to tear his gaze away from the child, who was now slumbering, her face slowly slipping down towards his lap. He managed to look Scottie straight in the eye before he asked her his next question. 

"And her father?" 

Scottie looked at him sadly, her eyes red but surprisingly dry. "You tell me." 

Mike had thought about the possibility, it would have been logical if it had been the case, but he wasn't prepared for the sick feeling, the feeling of utter betrayal. Harvey had a child. He had a child with Scottie. Emma was his. And he never told him.


	2. It's Her Or Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike and Scottie have a little talk. Harvey comes home, and all hell breaks loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to update last night, but at the very last moment my iPad decided to crash, so my New Chapter screen was once again empty when I logged in again. Stupid iOs8 update. So here's the next chapter, I hope you guys like it! Once again, I'm sorry if it is too rushed or OOC. All mistakes are mine.

**Previously...**

_"Does your husband know you're here?"_

_"I never married, Mike."_

_Mike forced himself to tear his gaze away from the child, who was now slumbering, her face slowly slipping down towards his lap. He managed to look Scottie straight in the eye before he asked her his next question._

_"And her father?"_

_Scottie looked at him sadly, her eyes red but surprisingly dry. "You tell me."_

_Mike had thought about the possibility, it would have been logical if it had been the case, but he wasn't prepared for the sick feeling, the feeling of utter betrayal. Harvey had a child. He had a child with Scottie. Emma was his. And he never told him._

* * *

 

 

"You're.. She.. Harvey?"   
  
Unable to pronounce complete sentences, Mike stiffened, looking shocked from Scottie, to Emma, and back.   
  
"But he.. He never told me.."   
  
"Well why would he? You're his coworker, you know how it works for him. He keeps his private here, and his business over there," she replied, waving her hand absentmindedly in the air. "I'm surprised you're here, at all."   
  
The sting of her words, unintentional or not, hurt Mike deeply. Harvey and his stupid promise. Mike had agreed to certain things, because Harvey was all about being restrained in public. And now, when the opportunity arose where he wanted to shout it from the rooftops to make it clear to this woman, once and for all, that Harvey wanted him to be here, because yes, they were together, and they were very happy. They had been for several months now. Until Ms. Dana Scott arrived on their doorstep, with her illegitimate child. And it irritated him, to say the least, that he couldn't. Part of him wanted to break the news to her, because surely she was bound to find out, sooner or later. And if Mike didn't tell her, surely Harvey would. Would he?   
  
"I came here to see Harvey, obviously. There is a matter of.. business.. that we haven't explicitly discussed yet.. Which is only logical because you and I both know the kind of man Harvey is. He's not very fond of change. But things need to be discussed before he agrees to allow certain alterations to take place, which will immediately change his plans for the future. For good. Some things are inevitable, and I'm here to help him understand that. And he will, soon enough."   
  
"But, did Harvey.."   
  
Luckily, or maybe not so luckily, he was unable to finish his question, because at that very same moment, he heard the front door close, followed by a cheerful "Hey honey, I'm home!"   
  
Scottie gasped, and stared at Mike with large, surprised eyes. Clearly, she hadn't seen this coming.   
  
"Mike, why are you not-"   
  
Harvey abruptly came to a halt when he saw them sitting on the couch. His glistening eyes suddenly hardened, and the bright smile on his lips vanished into a tight line. "What in hell are you doing here, Scottie?"   
  
He slowly put the bag with takeout on the corner of the counter, tossing his jacket in the general direction of the chairs near it, as he moved further into the living room, taking cautious, yet confident steps in the direction of the couch, before he lowered his gaze to the little girl who lay softly snoring in Mike's lap. His gaze softened for a moment, until he looked up to meet Scottie's gaze once again.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"I wanted to surprise you."   
  
"Surprise me?! Shit, you weren't supposed to come here with her until the day after tomorrow!"   
  
"She _what_?!" Mike swiftly lifted a whining Emma off his lap, carefully laying her back down on the soft cushions, before he rose from the couch to stand in front of Harvey, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Seeing your ex standing on the doorstep with a child in her arms, that's supposed to be yours, is a big enough cause for surprise in one night. But to find out you KNEW about it, and never told me.."   
  
"Mikey, I-"   
  
"Oh shut up, asshole! And don't 'Mikey' me. Ever. Again. When exactly were you planning on telling me you had a child? Before or after you'd finally decide to come out?"   
  
"Mike, just listen, please.."   
  
But Mike was fuming. All his doubts, his fears and uncertainties reached the surface, as he held Harvey's gaze in his own, his hands clenched into fists.   
  
"No Harvey, you listen to me. I'm tired. I'm tired of putting up a charade, I'm tired of keeping my emotions and feelings in check because you can't handle the reality of being with me. What is it you want from me, Harvey? You don't want anyone to know about us.. Do you actually expect me to accept your fatherhood without any protest, so you can brush me aside in favor of the mother of your child, because you'd be living in this illusionary world where we never really happened? I don't want to be your shadow anymore, to which you can turn to for a good fuck when we're alone in the bedroom, only to have you push me away the moment we step out of the car and into the office. Do you realize how betrayed you make me feel right now?"   
  
All Harvey could do was stare at Mike, taken aback by his sudden outburst. He understood.. hell, he even expected Mike to feel and react this way, because it was only natural. He himself wasn't completely sure how he'd react if he were to find out his lover had a child he had never mentioned, but Mike was having the wrong idea here, in multiple ways.   
  
"Mike, I understand how you must feel, but I assure you, that this has nothing to do with you, absolutely nothing!"   
  
Mike huffed at this, his eyes bright with unshed tears as he looked up, blinking furiously. He'd be damned if he shed a single tear in the presence of Harvey Fucking Specter.   
  
"Oh God, just save it. There's no way you can talk yourself out of this, to let me down easy here. I already crashed and burned multiple times in less than twenty minutes, thank you very much. You broke my trust, my beliefs. I seriously believed that, despite your issues about feelings, emotions, caring, or whatever the hell your problem is, you and I would have a future together. That we would stand side by side, you and me against the world. But I guess I was wrong all along. Because it's plain as day you didn't deem me worthy enough to tell me you had a daughter, despite the countless opportunities you have had, and despite the fact that you _know_ I like children. I would never have issues with that, if I was sure you and she were done for good. I could live with the knowledge of you being a father, if you would have just told me, if you would have assured me there was nothing between Scottie and you, except for the care of this little girl. But I guess that's just me being all naive and trusting. Because in truth, I can see she still has feelings for you, and who's telling me you don't still have feelings for her, too? And I guess I knew, deep inside, that there was no way I could ever replace her in your heart. You led me to believe you were happy, that I was enough. But in the end, it was all a lie, and I was stupid enough to fall for it."   
  
Before Harvey could say or do anything, Mike brushed past him, grabbed his wallet and keys from the sidetable, and his jacket from a chair at the counter.   
  
"I'm out. I'll stay at a hotel somewhere, I don't know. Just.. discuss what you need to discuss, I don't give a damn. If I haven't heard from you tomorrow by noon, I'll know where I stand, and I'll have someone come by to collect my things." And without glancing back at Harvey or in the general direction of the couch, he made a hurried exit through the front door. He didn't see Emma, who had awoken moments after Mike had carefully repositioned her on the couch, who was looking at him with a drowsy, dazed look in her eyes. He didn't see Scottie, looking absentmindedly in the flames of the hearth, her hands fiddling in her lap, unable to keep them still. He didn't even see Harvey, standing in the middle of the room, his hands clenched into fists, his eyes tightly shut, the muscles of his jaw tensing and untensing in a steady rhythm. He hadn't even noticed it was in fact Harvey's jacket he had taken with him, because he was too absorbed in his own misery.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the sixth Marvey Fic Challenge at Tumblr. Changed the prompt in a way that it fits the story, but only a little. Sorry if it seems a bit too rushed or OOC. 
> 
> This story's title is once again from a song from the musical Miss Saigon: Maybe (which replaces Now That I've Seen Her). A beautiful song (imho), in which Ellen gives voice to her fears, doubts and hopes, after seeing Kim for the first time, knowing she had a child with Chris, and that Kim still loves him, despite the fact that Chris is now married to Ellen.
> 
> "Maybe I'm a fool holding on when I've already lost him  
> There was someone before me and losing her cost him  
> And if she has come back in his life, well then maybe  
> This man was never mine.."
> 
> I think it fits this story pretty well. It's going to be a multi chapter thingy. All mistakes are mine, and I don't own any of the characters.


End file.
